See What I'm Saying: The Deaf Entertainers Documentary

See What I'm Saying Universal Hollywood Studios Gala

2011-02-07T09:22:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the hurricane

2009-11-12T22:20:00.001-08:00

I had a fantastic private screening at Universal last night with a group of industry folks who loved the film. I have been back and forth on the ending and the placement of our credits, and their reaction and comments after the film sunk into my consciousness. I woke up at 5AM today in a cold sweat, feeling that I need to change the ending back to the original ending. I spent most of my morning digging through old footage to line everything up to see if it works with our new cut. It does. Even though the film is basically finished, we are changing a few things before our launch in January. Home stretch to perfection!

I had it just about finished when my fabulous web designer, Hilary Carlip called with an update about our upcoming website overhaul. It's going to take a few weeks, but will allow me to start posting short clips from the film, since I know you want to see some. I want to also include some footage that will be in our DVD extras, including the fabulous Megg Rose who performed a Christina Aguilera song in sign language. I'm working with Mason, my music supervisor to get the rights to include it. Megg hasn't even seen the footage of her performance yet and has been patiently reminding me every few months not to let it get swallowed up in my 300+ hours of footage.

My supervising editor, Thomas Miller beeped through, calling from some airport to talk about changing the ending, and I'm sending him a Quicktime with the change for him to look at. I then got a text from Ninette from Powder about our music video from the film. She connected me with a fabulous location for the film shoot, which was confirmed later this morning. That helped me set the production date for this music video for December.

More emails came in, including one from a distributor who wants to set up a meeting with me and my producer's rep. I've been working with Jeff Dowd, The Dude and real life inspiration for The Big Lebowski. He's been in a good mood lately, and has been incredibly helpful in introducing me and the film around town.

Now my videophone is flashing from a colleague in Texas who is interested in booking my film. Thanks to some choppy reception, I convinced him to download Skype so we could finish our conversation.

Knock knock - my new accountant arrived for her first day. Welcome to the hurricane. I gave her a quick tour before leaving her with my books to answer my ichat with my good friend Max from Canada. Max has a wonderful cameo in the film, and is one of my favorite actors ever. I want to cast him in the music video, and host the television pilot that we are planning. Big smiles and thumbs up.

"You have mail" - my composer Kubi sent over a sample of a new score he is replacing. I love working with Kubi and could talk music with him all day.

The Dude called while I was heating up dinner, brainstorming on how we can get 5,000 people to come see the film opening week in Los Angeles. [Send me an email if you have ideas on how to get folks into the theaters in the middle of the day during the week.] Jeff has some great ideas on how we can build a fun event with live entertainment, a photo exhibit and infamous White Russian drinks in the lobby with The Dude after screenings.

One last listen to a new sample Kubi sent me before [bleep bleep - incoming text] turning down an offer to go have drinks with my friends Gary and Teal, who just got out of their show at the Groundlings. This is such a long crazy blog, but I thought I'd share my day with you.

Bleep-bloop-ring-flash-knock knock - I'm ready for bed.

Sneak Preview of new cut at Arizona State University

2009-10-19T10:21:00.001-07:00

This screening was one of the best experiences this fall. Sean Furman of Arizona Deaf Theater had organized the entire event, and did a fantastic job with our workshop and screening. I was picked up at the airport by a young deaf actor named Michael, who filled me about Arizona State University. We drove straight to campus, where I taught a three-hour voicing for deaf actors workshop. We had about 15 interpreters and 5 deaf actors. The work they did was outstanding. Many of the interpreters had never voiced for theater before, and they struggled through the various challenges. It was worth it when they were finally getting the laughs in the comedic pieces by matching their deaf partners' work.

After the workshop a bunch of us went to one of the best burger places called Chuckbox. We had a great conversation at dinner with some of my old friends from AZTI whom I had met while filming Robert here two years ago (including Donna of Deaf Cactus News). I also made some new friends - Haley, Timothy, Patrick and a few others. The town was filled with tons of football fans before a big game on campus, and people were nervous about crowds coming out for the film. They had nothing to worry about. People drove in from all over Arizona for the screening. I would guess that half of the crowd was hearing and half deaf, maintaining my goal that this film is for everyone.

I was testing out some new changes in the film, and held my breath while watching the audience during the new section. They were riveted, and I feel like I now have my final cut. They laughed in all the right places, cried in all the right places and participated in a lengthy and invigorating Q&A after the screening. I choked up when several people were near tears in their comments on how important this film is and needs to be seen by everyone. I felt a tremendous sense of support as the crowd vowed to get behind the film when we return to Arizona for our theatrical screening, and will be lining up to buy DVD's.

So Arizona, my birthplace, I look forward to coming back next year. Thank you for a fantastic reception!!

Things are happening

2009-09-24T23:14:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone -

I haven't blogged in awhile because there's a very complicated release strategy that has been at work and I haven't wanted to share the details in public while it is coming together. Some amazing things are happening, including a 25 city tour of the film and a world premiere in Los Angeles coming together very soon. Tonight, I realized that it may not be bad to be transparent.

I had the honor of listening to Ondi Timoner at an IDA seminar, the only two-time Sundance Grand Jury winner. Her film We Live In Public is opening in Los Angeles tomorrow and she has my full support.

I was approached by the IDA media after the screening (they are my fiscal sponsor for "See What I'm Saying") to give my thoughts for their article, and I decided to post my full answer here so you can get a glimpse of what I am up against. Here are my thoughts from the evening.

September 24, 2009

I have a new hero, and her name is Ondi Timoner. I came to the IDA’s seminar to hear what the only two-time winning Sundance Grand Jury winner had to say about documentary filmmaking. What I got out of the evening was so much more.

This statuesque, confident powerhouse took the stage as I settled in to hear classic documentary war-stories of long hours in the field, wading through hundreds (or in her case thousands) of hours of footage and bad distribution deal offers. What I was took away from the evening was this inspirational human being, who opened herself up for nearly three hours about her life, her motivation and her fears. Ondi’s parents sat behind me and became part of the discussion, as did her beautiful five-year old son playing with an oversized magnifying glass in the front row, a subtle mirror of his mother. Ondi’s films are truly magnified, scrutinizing her subjects so they become fully accessible to us.

To hear Ondi’s war stories of having her film Dig! privately panned by a respected colleague the night before submitting it to Sundance and then going on to not only get in but to win the Grand Jury Prize is beyond inspirational – it is a lesson in perseverance and faith. To hear how she is self distributing “We Live In Public” after winning Sundance, asking audience members to help book her on radio shows in Los Angeles the night before her theatrical debut in Los Angeles defies all logic. But to hear how she breastfed her child between filming interviews in Europe and having what must be the most well traveled child I’ve met puts a human face on this extraordinary artist.

Having graduated cum laude from Yale University and founding her own production company Interloper Films, Ondi could have come across as yet another privileged filmmaker who had many advantages above the rest of us. Yet she is subject to the same obstacles of making, selling and distributing her films highlighted by the technical difficulties of even getting her trailer to run correctly in the Kodak Screening room by professional IDA filmmaking staff. Ondi has not just survived, but thrived because of her tenacity, talent and incredible smarts. Her candor and passion are mesmerizing, as she has no qualms of sharing actual numbers, names and intimate details that most filmmakers of her stature politely steer around. After the seminar I had a chance to talk with Ondi’s mother in the lobby who told stories about Ondi’s courage even as a small child. I vow to try to be as open and accessible if I ever get the chance to sit in front of a group of filmmakers, as I left with a new-found confidence that in my isolation as a filmmaker I am not alone, and I have a new hope in this world and her name is Ondi.

Festival Journey - sneak preview screenings

2009-04-26T19:59:00.000-07:00

This has been a whirlwind. My last few nights in Los Angeles I felt there were angels all around me - the out of town strangers who bought me dinner, the people next to me on the plane who gave me cookies. After months of struggling with re-cutting the film and the financial burden that was overwhelming coupled with that decision, I start seeing signs everywhere that this decision is supported. Our original cut (which I am considering calling the director's cut) was accepted into the Rochester Deaf Film Festival and the Philadelphia Film Festival, acting as sneak preview/work in progress screenings.

I arrived in Rochester at 1:00 AM and found the festival director had fallen asleep in the car at the airport while waiting to pick me up. I knocked on the window to make sure it was her, knowing a hearing person would have woken up, then tried calling her cell phone to see if that would work. Nothing. Bingo - it was her. Leaving little choice, I gently rocked the car to wake her up. I startled the wits out of her, which embarrassed both of us upon our first face-to-face meeting in the middle of the night. She has done an amazing job putting this festival together, and I was honored that she drove out so late to personally greet me.

We drove to RIT and I stayed in the deaf-friendly NTID dorm housing. I love my door flasher! My colleague/intern/friend Julia Dameron was already there. We chatted for at least an hour, both excited about being there for the festival. The next day was filled with filmmaker workshops and a very cool reception at a unique artist space. I met filmmakers from around the world - Israel, Amsterdam, South Africa who were at the festival with their films. I was honored to be one of the few hearing filmmakers there.

Our screening on Saturday had a great turnout considering that we couldn't do any advertising because of our sneak preview status. I was filming the day's events which I later turned into a short video journey of our festivals. My original plan was to have a deaf team of filmmakers/editors to do this with me, but we don't have any funding so I am doing it myself. Hopefully I will meet a motivated filmmaker soon to join me. It was OK to hand the camera over to various friends as I jumped in front of the camera to explain what was going on. A bit awkward - I need to figure this out. After the film Robert DeMayo, Julia and I went out with friends and other filmmakers to an Irish bar and had a chance to have fun. I had a great conversation with Ryan Commerson, a filmmaker working with Wayne Betts who is currently screening his master's thesis around the country.

The next day I took an 11-hour Amtrak ride to Boston to visit my sister Rachel. It was wonderful - reading EAT PRAY LOVE on the train having a day to relax. My second night in Boston I got a call from my new editor telling me that there was a problem burning our new cut for submission to the Los Angeles Film Festival. The deadline was the following day, and her computer had crashed. Being 3,000 miles away didn't help. It was very stressful, especially since I didn't see the final submission cut, the Fedex tracking number didn't register and I was once again waking up with panic attacks. Are we ever going to have a world premiere? After several frantic phone calls between the two of us, she found a helpful friend who came in to save the day. Hurray!

After a short stay with family, I arrived in Philadelphia a few days later. The entire festival staff and volunteers were extremely friendly and helpful and made me feel incredibly welcome. I went to the filmmakers reception, which had fantastic food and drinks, but I had a hard time mixing. This usually isn't a problem for me. Maybe it is coming from the warmth closeness of the deaf film festival and having a hard time swinging back into the hearing world.

Our first screening was at the International House. I was completely bowled over to see an entire clan from AZTI (Arizona Total Immersion sign language program) come out - Joan Hanna, Tom Driscoll and so many others. They were all wearing "I love you" handshaped headbands with Robert's photo stapled to the top. I absolutely adore these people, and felt truly honored that they came all this way to see the film. I looked over, and another surprise was in front of me: my NTD buddies Frank Dattolo and Camille Jeter!! I haven't seen them in years, and it was one of the best surprises ever. They were responsible along with Robert for planting the seed back in 1996 that I wanted to do a film on deaf entertainers.

The audience was packed. They laughed and cried in all of the right places, and at the end of the film stamped their feet sending echoes like an earthquake. It was one of the highest compliments I could have received. My dad and Renee were in the audience and told me later that they had never experienced anything like it. We went out to celebrate at Pod sushi restaurant with our own private room. Robert loved the buttons on the wall that you could punch to change the color of the room.

We had a second screening the next day at the huge Prince Theater. I wasn't sure what kind of turnout we would get since I plan on coming back to Philadelphia with the official screening. I was impressed that we had an audience. Robert was so inspiring and eloquent at the Q&A after the screening - I was glad that we got it on film (thanks, Robin Robin.)

The next day Robert and I were filming pick-up shots for the new cut when the festival called. "There is an awards ceremony tonight that we want you to be at. We can change your flight and put you up at the hotel for another night. We really think you should be there - wink wink." I was floored. This was totally unexpected, since we were supposed to be out of competition. I was too nervous about having this win somehow affect our world premiere status which I have been working so hard to protect. But my gut said I should celebrate this win, so Robert and I finished our filming, quickly changed and headed to the reception. The award ceremony was surreal - back at the Prince Theater where we were the day before. The theater was packed with about 800 people who were there for the awards and the closing night film Lymelife. I graciously received an over sized wrestling belt with BEST FEATURE FILM that the festival made for the awards. All I could think was, "How am I going to get this through security at the airport?" The enormity of the prize and the meaning behind it didn't hit me until after I got home to a sea of congratulatory emails and phone calls.

I still feel like our journey hasn't even begun yet until we have an official screening of the final cut and work towards that golden prize of a distribution deal. Luckily we have enough booking requests to carry this film independently. I return to finish up the final cut, continue to try to raise funding for post production on this new cut and try to catch up on sleep.

Changes in the film and testing at Rochester Deaf Film Festival

2009-03-30T11:09:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last 3 months doing private test screenings and focus group screenings before any public screenings. Everyone loves the film, but we are making some changes to make the film even better. I have a great team on board helping me, including my new supervising editor Tom Miller and his editor Morgan Stiff. I love the new changes of the film! This new version will be ready very soon.

My test screenings have continued, including a small showing at the Rochester Deaf Film Festival, which showcased films done by deaf filmmakers. I got some terrific feedback and feel very strongly supported by the deaf community. I am hoping to have a formal screening of the film in Rochester in the fall of 2009 along with some educational workshops, and made some great new connections who are working with me to make this happen. The best part of the weekend was meeting deaf filmmakers from all over the world who had their films screen in Rochester, including filmmakers from Israel, South Africa and Amsterdam. I am extremely excited about what is happening in deaf cinema and strongly support these new visionaries.

I am off to Philadelphia for another test screening/sneak preview of our old cut. I am glad that these audiences are helping to shape the final vision of the film, and am grateful for all of the incredible support.

I will continue to keep everyone posted on what is happening. Thanks for following our journey!

Hilari

Sneak Preview Screenings

2009-02-25T09:29:00.000-08:00

I am so very happy to announce some sneak preview screenings of SEE WHAT I'M SAYING at the Philadelphia Film Festival at the end of March and a screening at the Rochester Deaf Film Festival. You will have a chance to see our work in progress gearing up to a world premiere of the film later this year. I am waiting on details from all of these screenings such as exact dates and locations to add to our website and send out in our newsletter announcement.

I am very excited about all of this news and will post details the moment I get them.

Here we go!!

Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T06:58:00.001-08:00

I have taken a little much-needed time out for Thanksgiving this week and am visiting my sister and brother-in-law in Atlanta. It's an exciting time for them, expecting their first child in April, and fun for me to see my sister pregnant.

As much as I am enjoying being with my family, I know that Sundance, which is held every January in Utah, is going to start announcing their lineup any day. I know that the film is going to find its way into the world premiere that is right for us, and Sundance may not be that place. Not only is it expensive and one of the most competitive festivals in the world, but there are threats of Sundance being boycotted by Hollywood this year over Utah's support of passing Prop 8. I doubt that will happen, but I do support gay rights include the right to marry.

So I am trying to quell Sundance fever as it is sometimes called, and staving off potential disappointment from so many supporters who have been involved in this film. I have submitted the film to 15 festivals around the world, and know that we will play in front of many wonderful audiences.

Every project has their inevitable ups and downs, and I am reminded of stories of films that get into Sundance, get ignored by distributors and the filmmakers leave the festival dejected and broke. Others were rejected by Sundance and ultimately ended up with a theatrical run.

Perhaps I am just preparing for sour grapes and the disappointment of not being one of the 16 films selected out of 1,500 documentaries submitted, but here is a quote from "South Park" creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker. "Sundance is the ultimate gimmick," says Parker, "there is nothing independent or artistic about it and it's ridiculous."

So this Thanksgiving I toast to independent filmmaking and getting an important message out about the talents of these entertainers that I will continue to shout and sign from the rooftops.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Vizual fundraiser

2008-11-02T13:04:00.000-08:00

I am finally getting caught up with everything that has been postponed during production. We had an incredible fundraiser in June to raise finishing funds for the documentary.

My rockin' friends Ninette and Phil opened up their home and their backyard to host Vizual, our Cirque du Soleil style fundraiser complete with aerial acts by Ninette and her Silk Sisters Buffy and Emily. The event was hosted by Gary Anthony Williams and CJ Jones, with entertainment from Kathy Buckley, Dan Thurmon, aerialist Lexi Pearl and contortionist Jacqui.

Sheena McFeely was our incredible event planner who organized a team of volunteers and helpers.

I am putting together a video of the evening. You can take a look at some of the photos on Facebook here at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=46678&l=d443c&id=646672134

Thank you to everyone who came and made the evening a success. We were able to raise enough funds to finish the film - yahoo!

Other entertainers

2008-10-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

After I sent out the last newsletter, I received several emails from other entertainers asking if they were still in the film because they weren't mentioned by name in the newsletter. The answer is YES! It was very important to me to include as many entertainers as possible, for many reasons. First, I believe that I could have done a full documentary on any one of dozens of these talented performers, as they all have interesting and unique stories. Second, I am extremely aware of the limited opportunities these entertainers have in getting their work seen, which they so richly deserve. There are many cameos throughout the film when I was lucky enough to cross paths with such incredible performers such as Deanne Bray, Troy Kotsur, Michelle Banks, Fred Beam, Kathy Buckley, Rita Corey, John Maucere, Warren "Wawa" Snipes, Vae, SPO, Nat Wilson, Russell Harvard, Lisa Hermatz, Bernard Bragg, Adrian Blue, Ed Chevy, Steve Longo, Sheena McFeely, Megg Rose, Garrett Zuercher... the list goes on and on. I am so proud and honored to include so many people who have inspired me and influenced so many others.

Please feel free to add comments to this blog about your favorite deaf entertainer and links to their websites. I am happy to read news about upcoming performances or stories about their work. Who knows? We might even be able to feature you on the website when we come to your town with the film!

Challenges ahead

2008-10-08T13:23:00.000-07:00

October 8, 2008

The biggest challenge the film is facing is convincing people who have never seen deaf entertainers that this film is meant for mainstream audiences. You can show your support by telling others that you want to see deaf performers featured in the media. That open captions isn't just a luxury but a necessity for almost 30 million Americans. You can help out by sending this to 10 friends and encouraging them to sign up for email newsletters on our website and getting them to come to screenings. We will need your help next year when the film comes out to show your support by packing the theaters and showing that there is a market for captioned films and a demand to see performers who happen to be deaf. That will help spread this message to even more cities and smaller, isolated communities and allow us to bring this film to every community that wishes to see it.

Why are there so few trained deaf filmmakers?

2008-09-23T21:53:00.000-07:00

September 23, 2008

Those who say it can't be done are usually interrupted by others doing it. -Joel A. Barker.

I have been getting email requests from deaf filmmakers who want to work with me, and have brought a few on board. I encourage others to keep working and learning because the world needs you, your stories and your unique vision!

When it came time to hire crew for SEE WHAT I’M SAYING, there was only one professional deaf cinematographer - Wayne Betts, and he was pretty booked. Why couldn’t I find anyone else? [Note: I have found a few others since production began, and am happy to see deaf film festivals starting to pop up all over the world.]

It’s a tough business for everyone – actors, directors, writers and producers – and perhaps it is even harder if you’re deaf. But it is not impossible. The ones who succeed have a few things going for them. Since I get emailed for advice, here is my list of suggestions on how to succeed in this crazy business:

1. Get some training. Research film/acting/writing programs and schools and go!

2. Be aggressive. Go out and interview for the job. Any job you feel qualified for. Show you are confident, skilled and can bring a fresh perspective to the project. Don't let the word "no" stop you from trying again.

3. Don’t limit yourself to deaf projects. You will learn by pushing your boundaries and working outside of your comfort zone.

4. Don’t be shy to ask for favors. If you can’t afford an interpreter, there are plenty of interpreting students who would love the practice to accompany you to interviews, auditions and even on the job. Practice your interview or audition beforehand. The more prepared you are, the better.

5. Don’t be lazy. The successful writers I know practice their craft 10+ hours a day almost every day. If you work, take care of kids and have other responsibilities, you can still practice your craft with a little discipline. I know some parents who get up at 4:00 AM to write before their kids go to school. It all depends on how much you want it. There is no such thing as can’t!

6. Educate yourself. There are so many great DVD’s about directing, editing, acting and filmmaking out there. Try to visit film sets and rehearsals to watch how professionals work. Not many people are going to just invite you. You have to network, create relationships and be persistent. And yes, all of this takes time and a lot of work.

7. Learn how to be a producer. This is a tough business for everyone, filled with rejections, frustrations and barriers. Those who make it only see creativity, persistence and opportunity. Start creating your own projects - short films that you can post on YouTube. If they are good, you will find your audience.

8. Make it up as you go along. There is no one path to success - you just have to find what works best for you. Although other people's stories may inspire and perhaps give you ideas, each person's journey is unique. Ask yourself what skills you have, what skills you want to learn and how you can realistically create projects you envision.

9. Think positive. We all have obstacles and challenges, but the key is finding solutions and strategies. People like being around positive people, and are happy to help out if they have fun.

10. Remember that it is the journey, not the destination. If you don't enjoy the journey, it isn't worth it. Find a path that makes you happy and you will find joy and fulfillment in the work.

Fan letter and "Audism" lyrics by Dave Showers

2008-08-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

I am so flattered that I am already receiving some fan mail and stories by people finding me through our online trailer for the film and through great groups like D-Pan helping me spread the word about the film.

Here is part of an email and song lyrics that were sent to me by Dave Showers, a deaf musician in Indiana who is on a journey.

------------------------

hello,

i want to introduce myself to you. i have visited the d-pan website a couple of times and last night was the first time that i saw the clip,"see what i'm saying". it really captured my eyes therefore i kept watching it over and over again! TL was the top subject in the clip! not because she's beautiful but because i can relate to her with the hearing loss and the music. i knew i wasnt alone.

my name is dave showers and i am from noblesville, indiana.i am 25 years old and i graduated at the indiana deaf school in 2003. i was born in san diego, califorina august 23rd 1983 and i was born hearing. after i was born, i had a breathing problem because my lungs were too small and the doctor had to put oxygen on me to keep me alive. eventually, my parents found that i had a hearing loss because i could not hear them when they called my name and they took me to the doctor and the doctor said that my eardrum was damaged from the oxygen and i had to wear it for a few months. it was the only way to keep me alive or else i would have died. i was still able to hear but not 100% and thats how i became hard of hearing.

all my life i grew up having problems because of my hearing loss. i took speech class when i was probably 5 or 6 years old. i had to learn how to talk and learn to hear with the hearing aids. i moved to many different states because of my dad's job and because i got kicked out of the school for misbehaving. i couldnt fit in with the students at the public school or at the deaf school because i was different from all of them. hearing people mocked me because of my voice sounded different and i could not pronounce some words right. just when i thought i talked normal but it turned out that i sounded odd. deaf people mocked me because im not deaf and that i can talk and hear. not only that, they also made racist remarks because im part mexican and part white. i suffered a lot and i pretty much was in a cage in my own world. i went counseling very often to work on my issues. i had very low self esteem and i would isolate myself from everybody. sometimes, i would detest myself for being deaf because it really put a lot of pressure on me and i couldnt find my own identity. i would pretend that im not deaf or hard of hearing and i tried to convinced myself that im hearing but they could see that im hard of hearing by reading lips and the way i talk. there was no way i was able to deny it. its all there.

when i was growing up, i was into music at the heart and still am to this very day. it became a part of my life and its also from my mom's side heritage. i have cousins and aunts and my mom and my sister that sings and plays instruments. i was into different music and my sister used to play the piano. i didn't play an instrument or write lyrics at the time. i was just a fan enjoying the sound of the music.

i was still having issues dealing with my hearing loss because im living in the real world. i had problems at work because people got irriated by me and didnt want to communicate with me. they yelled at me because i couldnt hear or couldnt understand what they were saying. from there, i decided not to talk anymore out in public so i started writing on papers whenever i go to places. it was complicated because i was trying to accept who i am. i was always talking only to my family and some people that i trust and i was always writing on papers and signing to my deaf friends. some hearing people mocked me because my voice sounded odd and it made me very angry that i lose my confidence and i felt that i have no faith or there's no hope for my future. i just went back to the cage and isolated myself from everybody again. i was still in doubt and it made me realized that i might not be able to sing because my voice is not normal than i thought it was. in my heart, i wasnt going to give that up because music is still my passion and its my life. it has been with me since i was a kid. i still want to form a band and i am not sure if it has chosen me because for me to find out, i have to make it happen. i dont know where my path is right now though.

i have talents bottled up inside of me. i dont want it go to go waste and i dont want the opportunities to pass because i still have connections with some of the bands. i want to do something thats all about passion than money. at the same time, bands have to make money because they have bills to pay. its my dream to travel the world and see different people,different culture and different environments.

when i found out about TL last night, i jumped out of my chair thinking if she can do it then i can do it and the fact that she and i have so much in common. our life is the same story but a different chapters. i listened to her music on myspace and i was impressed. i kept wondering how did she do it, how did she formed her own band.

i also like the beetoven's nightmare. the dude is insane on the drums!

i refuse to give up my dreams and my goals. i know theres hope for me and i want to do some thing with my life than be stuck working at meijer for the rest of my life. thats when i had to contact you and asked you to have TL contact me. i am getting old now and its not too late if i get help and get inspired right away. i just cant do it alone without someone supporting me. i want to bring my music and my story to life. its the matter of time and age.

i have to stop now but i could go on. talk to you soon.

dave showers
---------------------------

I am hoping others read his lyrics and see that they are not alone. His lyrics are posted here with permission:

[NOTE: Audism is a term used to describe discrimination or stereotypes against deaf or hard of hearing people, for example by assuming that the cultural ways of hearing people are preferable or superior to those of deaf or signing culture, or that deaf people are somehow less capable than hearing people. It also can be used to describe the opposite, deaf people who scorn those with hearing.]

"Audism" 8/29/08

I lived long enough to be
I still don't know who I am
I can never be who I never was
I'm tired of hearing the dead
When there's only a shadow

There's no reason to sign
But my voice is eerie
They can still see who I am
There's no walls to deny myself

Don't repeat another word cause
I'm afraid I'll be another mistake
No one can repair who I never was
It was never a miracle

They rejected me all my life
Cause I'm not one of them
I didn't chose to live this way
Don't say I'm not a mistake
Cause god can't take it back

I serve no purpose but death
Will not come for my soul
Its hard to believe in myself
Faith has given up my confidence
All my goals are a dead dreams
my hope will die with me

The world has rejected me
I can't find myself anymore
I will never be born again
I refused to accept who I am not
I have no sympathy for me

I don't want to know who I am
Cause I don't know who I am anymore
I don't want to know who I am
Cause I don't know who I am anymore
I don't want to know who I am
Cause I don't know who I am anymore

BUT I'M STILL ALIVE!
Dave showers

"Everybody else has touch the world
I have seen it with my eyes
I can only touch it in my dream
My life is out there somewhere
Not enough money to get me everywhere
But my talent will get me there someday"
D.S.

Hip Guy - Robert has a fan

2008-07-30T22:47:00.000-07:00

I love my sound supervisor. Joe Milner at Puget sound isn't just one of the most talented sound editors and mixers around, he just happens to be one of the coolest people I have met this year.

Joe sends me fun emails that always seem to make my day. All of the post production people loved the subjects of the film, and would often comment about various entertainers. My colorist loved hearing stories about Bob, one consultant couldn't get enough of CJ, and TL always seems to have fans. My favorite comment about Robert, the Deaf Man of 1,000 Faces came from our Foley team that Joe was working with. I always knew Robert was an extremely cool, hip guy, but this came from a pro who has worked on hundreds of films.

From Joe Milner, Sound Supervisor 07/30/08

OK, Robert will like this one:

I just got the foley back from the Foley stage, and started importing the
tracks into my mixing sessions. Like a sound effect, the individual files
are named for what they are, sometimes at a very basic, almost childlike
level, ie: "Red shirt FS" (footsteps), "Guy on right", Old Man on left" etc.

Robert however, is referred to as " Hip Guy". So, we've got several cues
named "Hip Guy FS" , "Hip Guy Backpack", etc.

I just thought that Robert might like to know, that at a purely "instant
gut-reaction" level, he is thought of as "hip".

:)

My favorite performer - trick question

2007-12-11T12:17:00.000-08:00

December 11, 2007

As I finally sit down to review the 3,000+ photos of Chris Voelker’s photo shoot, I find it impossible to narrow it down. I think on the question that I am often asked: Who is my favorite? My response is usually “That is like asking me to choose whom my favorite child is. Very Sophie’s Choice.” All four are equally important to this documentary, like four table legs that are needed to support a table. If any of the legs are missing, the table goes lopsided. I actually think I have a better answer below. There are favorite moments of each that I enjoy the most:

I think I like interviewing TL the most – I just turn on the camera and she can talk for an hour, opening up, crying, laughing, spilling her guts – all unprompted, candid and honest.

I like filming CJ’s shows the most – watching the audiences laugh so hard that they cry. I love when I film him discovering something on stage that is a comedic accident, making the audience laugh all over again.

I like catching Bob when he isn’t aware that he is being filmed. He is so proud of his show, his work, and filming his delight in telling anyone who will listen is just a joy.

And I like following Robert the best – walking through every day life as a prankster. I think I probably burned the most tape on Robert because when he was around I learned early not to turn the camera off since he is constantly jesting, impulsively joking around. Early on I missed some of the best moments while waiting for a meeting to begin or walking down the street and by the time I was rolling the moment was over. Luckily for me there were still months left to go and hundreds of moments of Robert pretending to walk into poles, scaring people, hiding in public spaces while he played cops and robbers and countless other hijinks. I don’t think I could ever get tired of filming Robert.

There were dozens of other entertainers I filmed, not knowing at the beginning who would fit into the film the best or have performances planned for this year. I was seriously torn that some of the best interviews didn't make it into the final film because there wasn't enough hours to show everything. Luckily we will have a great DVD extras section where I can show many of these highlights of some of my favorite performers:

Shoshannah Stern - one of the greatest interviews and most inspirational entertainers ever. Not only does she seem to have everything going for her, but I was surprised by how NICE she is. Sho is extremely genuine and down to earth. She is a trailblazer and a star in my book, and I would be lucky to cast her in future films.

Michelle Banks - she made me cry during her interview. Michelle is so passionate, and cares so deeply about motivating others - especially kids - to be their personal best. Michelle could be the next Oprah - or anything else this powerhouse actress wishes to become.

Evelyn Glennie - Evelyn was so generous to allow a full interview and for us to film her performance at UCLA. She is not only a brilliantly gifted musician, but charming and insightful.

Bernard Bragg - the father of Deaf theater. Bernard kicked to door open for just about every performer out there by being one of the co-founders of the National Theater of the Deaf, and blazing paths after studying with Marcel Marceau. To film such a legend was an honor. His friends know all of BB's famous stories which he regales in telling, but now they are recorded for generations to come.

John Maucere - John was so generous to allow me to film him during one of the busiest times of his life as the first cruise director aboard the Deaf Freedom Cruise. He not only entertained 4,000 deaf passengers for a week, but juggled dozens of shows while directing an ensemble of 16 deaf performers as part of his Deafywood production. Through it all he remained calm, humble and maintained a sense of humor. Did I mention his impression of Jay Leno as his deaf brother John Leno is pretty spectacular?

Alan "SPO" Schwartz - I love SPO's story about his nickname, an acronym for "Signed Performace Only." SPO was one of the first to share his honest convictions without censoring himself. Knowing that he was sharing some potential controversial topics, his point of view and opinions are a unique insight. I have so much gratitude for SPO taking the risk to open up on camera and trusting me with his stories.

Max "Max-i-mime" Fomitchev - a good deal of Max's interview made it into the final film. He is not only an extraordinarily talented performer, but has an incredible personal story. Being raised in Russia, Max lives in Canada and was a performer with Beethoven's Nightmare. My only risk is that Max has a way of stealing the show - a risk I am very happy to take to share his talents with the world.

Thoughts of highlights and challenges of filming

2007-10-09T11:53:00.000-07:00

October 9, 2007

This is hard. I always knew producing this feature film would be difficult. But the driving motivation to tell my subjects' stories outweighed all of the challenges along the way. There were many highlights and challenges along the way. Here are just a few:

The highlights so far:

Discovering filming our entertainers through windows –starting with Bob’s house the first night Ed arrived. The lighting looked beautiful – and matched with photographer Chris Voelker’s window frame idea for the publicity shots. [Note: this idea was dropped in the final film, but a few hundred teaser postcards were handed out with this original concept.]

Beethoven’s Nightmare – watching an audience member's face in sheer glee flicker in the stage lights, then realizing he was deaf blind. I saw how much he enjoyed TL's performance and pulled her over after her set. TL's hair for the show was crazy wild - with pipes, feathers, tubes and dreds tied in all over her head. She allowed the audience member to touch her hair, and he gave me one of the most memorable interviews of the evening.

Watching several hundred people from Kansas sign up on my mailing list after one motivated interpreter found the promo on YouTube, becoming a Team Leader and sending out the email to bunches of people.

Challenges

OK, it hasn't been easy. Things you can't even begin the prepare for pop up to make an already difficult job even more challenging. Here were some of my more difficult moments:

My grant writer quitting because it was "too hard," my camera being stepped on and breaking requiring a frantic drive to get it repaired two hours away and my second cameraman spraining his ankle on someone else’s set and having to cancel the next day's shoot. All of this is challenging, but the fact that it all happened within 24 hours of the largest shoot of the production the day before Beethoven Nightmare was filmed performing at the El Rey.

The disappointment of canceled performances and rejection, although many of the performers' heartbreaking moments that comes with being in the competitive entertainment business was captured in the documentary.

Everyone we filmed was so incredibly cooperative and supportive. Everyone except for a few hearing people, which makes me happy to be submerged into Deaf culture at the moment. Here are a few of my Michael Moore moments when I was almost shut down:

-Philadelphia subway - they threatened to take our cameras away;
-NYC subway - they threatened to take our tapes;
-A less than thrilled individual who was filmed picking a fight with one of our subjects;
-Attempts of being kicked out of one event before the show by an unhappy stage manager (luckily my subjects fought to keep me there. Even luckier, every other event was happy to have us there.)

The list of both of the highlights and challenges is even longer - much of which will be discussed in upcoming Q&A sessions after screenings.

2007-06-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

June 1, 2007

I have been so deliriously busy with post ON THE LOT fallout and pre Deaf Entertainers documentary preparation that I miss my flight to Philadelphia. I miss my flight by 12 hours because I misread my flight as 9PM instead of 9AM. Luckily I get on the 10:30 PM on standby. One of my main subjects of the documentary and friend Robert DeMayo has been sleeping at the airport in Philadelphia waiting for me because he is currently homeless. He played the comedic lead during our yearlong tour together in the National Theatre of the Deaf’s production of “An Italian Straw Hat.” Robert is one of the funniest, most talented actors I have ever seen and one of the countries top translators of English to ASL. He will be teaching at Juilliard next week, training Broadway interpreters how to better translate theatre into sign language. The irony of his situation brought me here with a borrowed camera. Robert recently played the character of a homeless man in a movie before there was a communication meltdown with his former landlord in his real life when his building was sold. Money is not the issue: his paperwork somehow states that he was evicted, and the lack of a good referral has been preventing him from getting a new apartment.

Robert texts me back after learning of my delay and asks me to steal an airplane pillow for him. I choke back emotion upon reading this. On board we sit on the tarmac for 20 minutes. The pilot explains that we have a technical difficulty but we are receiving top care to fix it since we are a lifesaving flight. I wondered how they knew I was headed out to film Robert to try to help him. The pilot explains that we are carrying an organ on board for a transplant back in Philadelphia and time is of the essence. I choke back more emotion.

I land and Robert looks tired but good. Somehow he is wearing clean clothes and looks no worse for the wear than my fellow red-eyed passengers. To my surprise, he has borrowed a car for my arrival – part of the Philly Car Share program where you can rent a car by the hour.

Our first stop is storage – one of Robert’s daily rituals. He goes to change clothes and grab necessities. He is getting a larger storage locker today and I alternate between filming him move all of his belongings down vacant aisles and helping. It is a dirty, sweaty job and Robert’s hip is bothering him since he had a hip replacement a few years ago. But somehow he manages to joke around, leaping from corners to startle me and racing the storage cart. We hurry to his next stop where he prepares for his weekly workshop. Robert teaches an AIDS awareness workshop once a week to deaf men for the CCPS in the back room of a local gay bar. Robert’s personality is such as to have fun even in the direst of situations.

We race back to drop the car off so that he isn’t charged an extra hour for being late. Robert turns this manic drive back into a video game. My past experience with deaf drivers is that no matter how they drive they are 100 times safer than hearing drivers because of their bionic vision and reflexes. We are 15 minutes late and Robert crosses his fingers that he isn’t penalized.

Local filmmaker Chad Jenkins arrives to help me film the evening. I hesitantly ask the men in the workshop if they mind being filmed for the documentary, fully expecting for them to say no. They surprise me and are not only open to being filmed but enthusiastic that I share their experiences with others. So a lively back room game of “Taboo” is played out in sign language. My cameraman could barely contain himself along with participants’ hearty laughter as they acted out various vocabulary words. After the games they went through the list of words discussing safe sex and current medical information.

The workshop ended and we moved into the Karaoke section of the bar. Robert once again became the star of the evening as he got up to sing 3 songs –following along in perfect rhythm to the monitor’s bouncing ball. I have an odd fondness for Robert’s singing. During the last song he puts the microphone away, grabs three of his deaf friends to be his backup dancers and energetically signs the song while his buddies followed the pounding rhythm. For a moment there was nothing but Robert and the swirling disco lights. No hard park benches, no cops hitting his legs while gesturing for him to move on and no legal battles with landlords. Just Robert being Robert. When I ask him what he will do tomorrow, he licks his finger and sticks it into the air – a simple sign for “whatever the wind blows my way.”